Jack Black proves me right.

I have always wanted a beard. Especially a mustache. They're like a little pet for your face! Unfortunately, my upper lip does not allow for this behavior. And neither does my mother. So, Luggage has allowed me to channel this desire into something that will benefit the community.

I wanted my first post to be about women with beards. However, there's a lack of these in Hollywood, I have found. Am I wrong? Someone prove me wrong. There are plenty of them in the real world. Like that cashier at Wal-Mart? ...

Instead, this is about Jack Black. This may seem random, but hear me out. I have always thought that certain guys only get girls because they have really good facial hair. Jack Black is single-handedly proving me right in the simple fact that chicks dig beards. Even ugly, fat, spazzy guys with sketchy beards.

Jack Black is sporting the "I'm... dirty" kind of beard that just screams laziness, but he pulls it off. It goes with the over-the-top kind of persona (is it a persona?) he usually has. It's scruffy and it has holes. Like his acting career. Honestly, that otherwise-disgusting beard becomes endearing when paired with the chubby, hilarious kind of guy. But what really makes this facial hair impressive is his choice of mustache. Notice, it does not meet in the middle. That's just good genes, people. You can't fake that.

You'll notice that this beard is so effective that it overrides the unfortunate "frosting" experience that's going on up top and still allows for the girl-getting. And she's cute, too, see? It's impressive. I think we could all learn a thing or two from this Jack Black and his facial fur.